Knowing When to Forgive

Three years ago, I went through something pretty rough, and it was honestly one of the hardest times I've gone through in my entire life up to this point. My husband left me for someone else, but only after five months of me taking him back and leaving and taking him back and leaving 5 total times. And it didn't end there, it took another 7 months before the divorce finally went through, and the emotional battle continued right up until the day after we turned in the papers when he revealed his girlfriend was now pregnant.

But something interesting happened amongst my friends and family members who were married... their husbands kept saying how forgiving I was. My friends have told me before that their husbands keep saying, "Why can't you be like Mycheille? She forgave her husband even though he cheated on her 3 times!"

I have been told this at least 4 times.

Here's the deal though... these men who think it's so nice for me to forgive like this, don't realize the toll it takes. I became a total shell of who I was. I almost forgot who I was, and it took almost 2 years for me to rediscover who I was. Sure, these men are not considering the cheating part of it, they just want a little slack and forgiveness since their misdeeds are not as great. But the problem is, if any person keeps doing the same misdeed, no matter how big or small, and the man/woman they love keeps forgiving them, eventually pieces of that forgiving heart start breaking. If you know that you are hurting that person whom you've sworn to love, maybe you should stop. Maybe, just maybe, you should start changing.

Do you know why I kept forgiving my ex-husband? Because I truly hoped that my act of forgiveness would transform him. That finally he would realize he shouldn't act like that anymore... but he didn't change, at least not for me.

So my lesson here, is if you know that your love has forgiven you for something, but you know it hurts them when you do whatever it is you did, stop doing it. Get help, get advice, have an accountability partner (a friend of the same sex) to keep you accountable. And I guarantee that when you work for your relationship, and you have to give up things, but you do it in a way that doesn't blame your partner, magical things will happen.

So don't tell me how great it is that Mycheille is so forgiving, because forgiveness without accountability is not always helpful. And don't forgive and forget... make a stand.

There is something I'd like to clarify though... I believe in forgiveness. I believe that for you yourself, forgiveness is freeing and protects your heart in a special way only God can do. So I'm not saying NOT to forgive, but TO forgive, but do something to show and express your hurt. What happens when both people work together though (as I said above) is peace... peace over both people. So often when someone has a problem, they like to think that when they are "forgiven" that they have gotten away with something. The fact is, if you are hurting someone, and you work to change whatever that habit is, and that person you love works with you, you get closer and the peace and exhilaration is far better.

Peaceful Snow

peaceful Snow

So I'm in a new place, almost a new world it seems. I'm in the land of deers in the middle of town, and snow that is so common that the locals groan loudly as the flakes begin to flurry happily outside the windows. They look at me strangely as I stare out the window like a child, excitedly seeing snow for the first time. My inner child leapt for joy as she considered sledding down the old hills I used to travel down so often as a child.

This place is beautiful...

But it is also a little lonely. I was so lost the first two weeks, even to start today, wondering if I'd made the right choice coming so far away from my mom and my brother and my dad, even if I was seeing other amazingly special people to me. But as I saw that snow that so many others dreaded, I felt that familiar pull that initially pulled me here in the first place. Snow and I somehow have a connection, a connection that started my love of Montana and helped my writing.

I remember the first time I stood in the snow by myself as twilight poured over the mountains and my snow-piled hill. I walked my sled back up to my house, and a new, fresh powder began to fall over the world around me. I can still see the way the street lamps casted a purplish blue, sparkling shadow on my street. The world was so quiet... so peaceful. That moment from so long ago has stuck with me in some of my hardest moments of my life. Why then did snow help my heart to calm? Because it reminded me that the ocean had started to heal me, but the snow would be my peace. I had to come where I had remembered feeling peace. So here I am.

I so look forward to seeing what God has in store for me here. I can't wait to see the amazing things He has coming. So many things fit so perfectly to get me here, and I know there was a purpose.

If I said I loved you

What if I were to say that I love you
    what would you do?
    would you laugh?
    Would you cry?
     Or would you ask why?

What if I were to say I love you?
     would you say "I knew"
     or would you push me away?
     Or pull me close and say
     that you love me too?

What if I were to say I love you?
     would you be thankful?
     Would you say I shouldn't?
      would you kiss me...
     Would you tell me that you wondered

What would happen if you were to say you loved me?
     and wondered what I'd do?
     And wondered if I'd say I loved you...

how funny that we both would wait
    and end up with someone else saying "I do"
If only we'd said, "I love you"

I am patient, but don't wait

I see you...
 waiting on the outskirts,
     afraid to show your face
don't be afraid....


I see you
   watching from the sidelines
         not sure if it is yet time
It might be time....

I see you
   jaunting up to me
       as if you were just anyone
You are someone.....

I see you...
   staring towards me hopefully
       not wishing to show your feelings
I feel something too...

I see you...
  seeing me and wanting me
       but you are waiting.
I am here...
    I'm patient

A stranger changed my heart

He was a stranger, someone I just spoke to on a silly chat room when I couldn't fall asleep, but the way we talked and the way our conversations meshed is stuck on repeat in my mind.

His tagline, or name, made me assume initially that he would be a creeper, but quickly we were talking about writing and about the world, and how we preferred optimism to pessimism. It's not often I meet someone with the same outlook on life that I have, and it was refreshing. For three hours we talked non-stop, surprising me as I realized the time had changed from 11:30 to 2:30... Even his humor, odd as it may seem to others, was hysterical to me. He made me smile and feel good about myself... it has been a long time since I felt this way, and though we exchanged emails... I forgot to write it down.

I searched the chat room all the next day, hoping and praying he would show up or our conversation would appear, but it didn't. Can one conversation really make such an impact that I would feel just a little bit lovesick over it? Silly perhaps, I'll admit, but I'm quite disappointed that I will probably never talk to him again... oh Mr. Cory, if only I had written it down... instead I am left remembering our brief conversation that just wasn't long enough.

Until next time then, I suppose.....

What do you do when...

So I haven't written in awhile, so I figure a good opener for such an occasion is a good story, so here ya go:

So I work at a kids store in a tourist town, and I've just had one of the longest, worst-people kind of days in retail. I was tired, my manager was tired, and we were ready to close three hours early because we couldn't stand another minute of the monotony or the rudeness of the people who inconsiderately kept destroying the store, or letting their kids do so.

A woman came in frantically and threw a girl's outfit on the counter and looked at me with a look of concern, "I am so sorry, but can  I leave this with you for a minute? I left my money in the car! I'll be right back. Like 5 minutes tops, ok?" she said, carting her mom-purse and 6-month-old daughter out of the store. I hold the outfit for awhile, practically forgetting about it when an amazingly gorgeous man... not man--Adonis-- walks into the store just as the sun hits the store windows perfectly. He looks around as if for a familiar or friendly face and finds me, walking over to me with hands full of bags, "Excuse me," he begins in an Irish accent, "Apparently I'm supposed to pay for something." He says with slight gruffness.

"Oh, um... the hold?" I giggle stupidly, "I mean, the little girl outfit?"
He nods as he tosses his bags onto the counter and pulls out his wallet. I can vaguely smell ocean water, and I realize he is completely wet. I try not to notice... "um, good day?"
"Oh, ya. 'Was gorgeous." He seriously shakes his hair and looks like a model. I look away as I start to blush, not able to look at a good looking man that is wet... in a kids store. *Breathe!*
I breathe, "Oh yes, very pretty out." I happily pat myself on the back mentally for speaking calmly. Then after he pays, and I think I'm safe from his gorgeousness and charm, he starts removing his shoes, and pulls out a shirt from one of his bags. He looks around and then back to me, "Hey do you mind terribly if I change really quick? I'm soaked." And then he proceeds to remove his shirt... I couldn't be kidding if I tried.

I could feel the redness fill my cheeks as I do my absolute best not to giggle like an idiot, or stare aimlessly at his perfectly chiseled body. And when I catch myself staring open-mouthed at the random Irish stranger de-clothing in front of me in the middle of a KIDS store, I quickly say, "Um, what's that Deena?" and I turn around, trying to look busy as he finishes putting his new clothes on. My boss comes up and stares at the man in confusion and then back to me.
"THanks!" The stranger says as he leaves.

My boss smiles with confusion, "Um, was that man just changing his shirt in front of you?"
"YUP..."
She nods, "And how did that happen? He just started removing his clothes?"
I nod, no longer able to contain the laughter or huge grin, "Just started removing his clothes."
She laughed, "Well that helps to end the day in a positive way."

This is a true story, by the way! :D Hope you enjoyed... I know I did. Hmmmmmmmm :)

Easy homemade supreme pizza under $5

So I keep meaning to post my recipes more often, but today I will begin again! So this is an easy recipe that I discovered one day when I was starving! :)

So my mom and I are kind of piggies when it comes to Totinos pizza, so we usually each have one of our own. So depending on how many people you are having, you can do multiple pizzas. I always end up making a lot of extra hamburger, so it would easily feed 2 more people!

So here is the list of things you need, but you can add or subtract anything you want: (this is suggested for 2 people, so add about an extra 1/4 of the veggies)


Cheese Totinos Pizza
1/2  cup chopped green pepper
1/3 cup chopped yellow onion
1-2 chopped
roma tomatoes
1 lb hamburger (you can make less if desired)
1 cup mozzarella cheese
pepper and garlic seasoning to taste


OPTIONAL: garlic clove

Preheat oven to 400.

Turn stove to medium-medium high heat to brown the hamburger. After it is initially separated and no longer pink, add about 1/2 cup water to the pan and add seasoning. This is where I cut up the garlic clove and let it simmer with the hamburger for about 15 minutes until water is totally gone.

While hamburger is simmering, start chopping veggies. I usually chop them very small so that it looks just like the supreme pizza on Totinos pizzas usually. put pizzas on a pizza pan and add veggies. Once the hamburger is done put on top of veggies and then add as much mozzarella as you wish on each pizza. Put in oven for about 20-25 minutes. I like my cheese a little browned so I keep it in a little longer than most people.

Then cut your pizza and enjoy! Because Totinos pizza has such a crispy crust, it makes for a perfectly crisp and delicious pizza that is roughly about $5 dollars to make! Hope you enjoy as much as we do!