All you can do when life throws everything at you to tear you apart, is put a smile on, look at the good things, and move past the tear so that it can slowly be sewn back together. Because the harder you pull on a tiny tear, even when you think it will help later, is it rips more. So you may end up a little scarred later... it is a lot easier to fix a few small tears than massive rips. choose what kind of life you want... a beautiful quilt, or a withered and worn flag... your choice
Friday, April 25, 2014
Bring back my Harmony!
So those of you who have know me since college (Simpson) and before know that I have always had a passion for singing. Well in the last few years since leaving Simpson, I stopped singing as much and wasn't in church as much as I had once been either. Starting in January though I started going back to church and started singing a lot more... It's funny how much you realize is missing when you stop doing the things you love. I love God, and I've always loved being around other Christians who are enjoying God's presence together. And without singing besides the random phrase I sing to Abby every so often, I was missing something. I want to really start singing again because I love it. I used to wish my life was a musical in a sense because there are so many moments I feel like singing out my problems! So maybe it is time for me to really start letting who I am fully shine again. No time like now, right? So if you see or hear a random person on the street singing, it may very well be me haha
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Heartbreak stinks but healing makes it a masterpiece
I'm going to rant a little I think...
So I strive constantly to be positive in every aspect of my life, and even in the moments I feel like I am being way too negative, I still have people telling me "Gosh, you are so positive!" I'm glad to be positive... glad to always be optimistic.... glad to be looking to the future even when my life seems to be falling apart right now. I know everyone feels like things are falling apart at some point in their life, but mine really was trying.
It's so funny, even as I'm writing this, trying to let out the frustrated emotions, I'm instantly fixing my thoughts on the positive that will surely come my way soon enough. My heart is so hopeful for the next step in my life, to move to the ocean and explore a new small town.
I'm not going to share specifics right now about what has been happening because I don't want anyone who knows us to stumble upon this and be surprised... but I have been hurt brutally, not physically (don't worry), but my pride, my heart, and my old ideals have been really hurt.The basic story... I lost a man I loved. And whether he sees this someday, well I hope he knows that though he hurt me, I will always love him.
That's the thing about love... someone can hurt you in the worst possible ways, even worse than I was hurt, but you still love them. Even years later, a little piece of your heart waits with them. Honestly, men and women know equally, that there are some people that deserve our hearts, some who don't, and some who wanted so desperately to deserve our hearts but realized it just wasn't right. Is it a shame? Absolutely... but it doesn't mean we are failures, it doesn't even necessarily mean that they are failures, it just means something was wrong. I really wish nothing had been wrong, that this could have lasted, but at the same time, it just means that something better is coming for both of us, and I can't really be too mad about that.
And to you, my former someone, though I am so mad at what you have done, I forgive you. I want you to know that I believe in the beauty inside your heart and soul, I just really hope you find yourself the way everyone who loves you has seen you. Cause that guy is pretty spectacular. And though you and I will never be together again unless God randomly sees fit to bring us back around when we both grow, I will always be a friend to you in the moments you feel like there are none.
Anyone who has been in love, whether it has been first love, puppy love, a crush, a bad relationship, or even a marriage that has lasted for decades, we all know there is a heartbreak. Sometimes heartbreak ends those relationships, sometimes it makes the couple stronger, and sometimes it allows us to grow as people to fix the mistakes we made before.
I can't wait to grow more from this and allow myself to fully heal. I am so thankful for all the support I have from friends and family, and the beauty that will come from this!
Sorry for all this personal ranting! I do hope somehow it helps someone out there going through something similar.
So I strive constantly to be positive in every aspect of my life, and even in the moments I feel like I am being way too negative, I still have people telling me "Gosh, you are so positive!" I'm glad to be positive... glad to always be optimistic.... glad to be looking to the future even when my life seems to be falling apart right now. I know everyone feels like things are falling apart at some point in their life, but mine really was trying.
It's so funny, even as I'm writing this, trying to let out the frustrated emotions, I'm instantly fixing my thoughts on the positive that will surely come my way soon enough. My heart is so hopeful for the next step in my life, to move to the ocean and explore a new small town.
I'm not going to share specifics right now about what has been happening because I don't want anyone who knows us to stumble upon this and be surprised... but I have been hurt brutally, not physically (don't worry), but my pride, my heart, and my old ideals have been really hurt.The basic story... I lost a man I loved. And whether he sees this someday, well I hope he knows that though he hurt me, I will always love him.
That's the thing about love... someone can hurt you in the worst possible ways, even worse than I was hurt, but you still love them. Even years later, a little piece of your heart waits with them. Honestly, men and women know equally, that there are some people that deserve our hearts, some who don't, and some who wanted so desperately to deserve our hearts but realized it just wasn't right. Is it a shame? Absolutely... but it doesn't mean we are failures, it doesn't even necessarily mean that they are failures, it just means something was wrong. I really wish nothing had been wrong, that this could have lasted, but at the same time, it just means that something better is coming for both of us, and I can't really be too mad about that.
And to you, my former someone, though I am so mad at what you have done, I forgive you. I want you to know that I believe in the beauty inside your heart and soul, I just really hope you find yourself the way everyone who loves you has seen you. Cause that guy is pretty spectacular. And though you and I will never be together again unless God randomly sees fit to bring us back around when we both grow, I will always be a friend to you in the moments you feel like there are none.
Anyone who has been in love, whether it has been first love, puppy love, a crush, a bad relationship, or even a marriage that has lasted for decades, we all know there is a heartbreak. Sometimes heartbreak ends those relationships, sometimes it makes the couple stronger, and sometimes it allows us to grow as people to fix the mistakes we made before.
I can't wait to grow more from this and allow myself to fully heal. I am so thankful for all the support I have from friends and family, and the beauty that will come from this!
Sorry for all this personal ranting! I do hope somehow it helps someone out there going through something similar.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
That Beautiful Something Somewhere
I remember when I was 6 years old, I used to pretend I was a monkey running from a crocodile... by the time I was 8 and 9, I would go through any wooded area pretending I was a fairy princess that was trying to find my way through the forest... by 12 I was climbing trees like they were mountains... and by 14 I wanted to find true love. we believe so much as children, so many different things. It wasn't of course that I was a monkey running from a crocodile, but the point was I knew that I could get away from any danger if I tried. And when I pretended to be a fairy princess, its not that I believed I was, but I knew I was precious and wanted to find something more out there in the world, and when I tried to climb my tree like a mountain, I knew at the time it was the tallest thing that could get me high into the sky, to reach out and touch the great unknown. And true love is just as exciting to attain. It is all of those things piled into one desire: to find something worth having.
never stop searching for that beautiful something, or someone! Find yourself first though, or you may very well pass right by that someone because you are too busy staring at your feet, watching where you are going, instead of knowing and exploring with your eyes wide open!
never stop searching for that beautiful something, or someone! Find yourself first though, or you may very well pass right by that someone because you are too busy staring at your feet, watching where you are going, instead of knowing and exploring with your eyes wide open!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Life likes to laugh
Some people may think this title seems a little bit funny, and that is how I want it. I'm in a class right now and I was asked what makes my writing stand out... and I would have to say my writing tends to show the reality of a person and their story. In my eyes though, I believe reality involves humor. My own life is a pretty decent testament to life exuding hilarity. When I was a child I was considered quite the klutz. My dad, like many other fathers of young klutzy kids, often said that I could trip over a dust bunny, and I often did. But as I got older, these klutzy moments ended up transforming into something pretty interesting, and quite humorous to any who witnessed these moments. My family and I still refer to these moments as 'Movie Moments' because so many of these ridiculous things just couldn't happen in real life.
One of these moments that has always stood out, even over ten years later, is when I was raking leaves one day when I was 11-years-old so I could earn money to go to the newest Harry Potter movie. It was late October, and getting pretty cold though we had yet to have our first snow yet in Lewistown, MT. I felt tiredness overwhelm me as I lazily pulled the big blue garbage can with wheels along the grassy lawn, and I decided not to close it in-between putting leaves in any longer. I would rake and pull, rake and pull, when all of a sudden the garbage can surprised me! It began to keep moving, though my hand still held its handle tight, and I felt it move down, down, down to the ground. Before I knew it, I was inside the garbage can looking out to the world wondering how I had managed. I was thankful that no one had seen my little trash-can moment, and said to myself, "Well at least this can't get any worse." And as those words left my lips, I remembered that my mom had thrown out two metal chairs that day, and suddenly those chairs fell on my head.
I went inside with leaves strewn throughout my hair, and a bump rising on my head, and a shocked expression on my face as I go to mom and say, "Mom..."
She looked at me with a curious look before crossing her arms and said, "What happened this time?"
When your mom can ask that question with a straight face, you know you are a klutz! This is just one of my many ridiculous moments, and some of them really are quite unbelievable. I can't even tell you how many times people have told me to write my autobiography or a movie about my life. But why does any of this matter anyways? Well, I just wanted to remind you all that in those moments where we want to cry because we are embarrassed, remember that later you can look back and smile.
One of these moments that has always stood out, even over ten years later, is when I was raking leaves one day when I was 11-years-old so I could earn money to go to the newest Harry Potter movie. It was late October, and getting pretty cold though we had yet to have our first snow yet in Lewistown, MT. I felt tiredness overwhelm me as I lazily pulled the big blue garbage can with wheels along the grassy lawn, and I decided not to close it in-between putting leaves in any longer. I would rake and pull, rake and pull, when all of a sudden the garbage can surprised me! It began to keep moving, though my hand still held its handle tight, and I felt it move down, down, down to the ground. Before I knew it, I was inside the garbage can looking out to the world wondering how I had managed. I was thankful that no one had seen my little trash-can moment, and said to myself, "Well at least this can't get any worse." And as those words left my lips, I remembered that my mom had thrown out two metal chairs that day, and suddenly those chairs fell on my head.
I went inside with leaves strewn throughout my hair, and a bump rising on my head, and a shocked expression on my face as I go to mom and say, "Mom..."
She looked at me with a curious look before crossing her arms and said, "What happened this time?"
When your mom can ask that question with a straight face, you know you are a klutz! This is just one of my many ridiculous moments, and some of them really are quite unbelievable. I can't even tell you how many times people have told me to write my autobiography or a movie about my life. But why does any of this matter anyways? Well, I just wanted to remind you all that in those moments where we want to cry because we are embarrassed, remember that later you can look back and smile.
There is more
I have definitely lived an incredible life up to this point, and even though I am young, I can truly say that already I feel like my life is a full life. I think in general people meet me and think that I am just always overly optimistic and that nothing can ever get me down. People almost act as though I am impervious to the sadness in this world... well that is just wrong. The thing about me is that I don't see the point in focusing on the bad, and I always want to believe the best even in hard situations. Sometimes people judge me because of this quality and try to take me down, but why? Because I see the world in a happier way? Why can't we all look at life from a new perspective?
I believe that we decide the quality of life we lead, and that is beyond how much money we make or how big our houses are. I believe that we choose whether we live a happy life or not. So choose to live a happy life!
I believe that we decide the quality of life we lead, and that is beyond how much money we make or how big our houses are. I believe that we choose whether we live a happy life or not. So choose to live a happy life!
Friday, February 14, 2014
What does your reflection say?
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/life-after-massive-weight-loss-211106512.html
So I may get flak for what I am about to say about this article, but near the bottom, when it talks about a writer, Jasmin something, she talks about having lost her large amount of weight and being distressed over suddenly being complimented. She says people treated her inhuman because she had been fat. I don't like to admit how much I weigh in general, but I currently weigh 214 pounds, which is a little less than that woman did. She said people never complimented her on anything, and people didn't hold open doors. Now, I agree that in our society when beauty is often decided by the size of your waistline, there will always be people that will avoid us if we are larger... but I think this woman may have over reacted... and this is why: sometimes when you are larger, your confidence is incredibly low. When I am feeling a 'fat' day and I just feel so much bigger than I probably am, I tend to dress simply, keep my eyes down so I don't meet other people's gazes in fear they will notice how big I feel. But on days when I just look in the mirror and remember I am gorgeous no matter my size, I get compliments up to wazoo! I think in general, it is about the confidence! It easy to feel confident when you lose a pound, or 100 in this woman's case, so of course more people would notice her. So any who, yeah, I think we as women just need to be more confident and comfortable with how we look, even if we know we need lose a few pounds.
We really do reflect the how we feel on the inside!
So I may get flak for what I am about to say about this article, but near the bottom, when it talks about a writer, Jasmin something, she talks about having lost her large amount of weight and being distressed over suddenly being complimented. She says people treated her inhuman because she had been fat. I don't like to admit how much I weigh in general, but I currently weigh 214 pounds, which is a little less than that woman did. She said people never complimented her on anything, and people didn't hold open doors. Now, I agree that in our society when beauty is often decided by the size of your waistline, there will always be people that will avoid us if we are larger... but I think this woman may have over reacted... and this is why: sometimes when you are larger, your confidence is incredibly low. When I am feeling a 'fat' day and I just feel so much bigger than I probably am, I tend to dress simply, keep my eyes down so I don't meet other people's gazes in fear they will notice how big I feel. But on days when I just look in the mirror and remember I am gorgeous no matter my size, I get compliments up to wazoo! I think in general, it is about the confidence! It easy to feel confident when you lose a pound, or 100 in this woman's case, so of course more people would notice her. So any who, yeah, I think we as women just need to be more confident and comfortable with how we look, even if we know we need lose a few pounds.
We really do reflect the how we feel on the inside!
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