I still do

I still remember when I loved you...
     and when you still loved me

I still remember when I loved you
   and I referred to us as "we"

I still remember when I loved you...
   and life seemed too easy

I still remember when I loved you
    and we were too cute and too cheesy

I still remember when I loved you...
    and you still understood what that meant

I still remember when I loved you
    and I remember when that love was spent

I remember when I still loved you...
     when you believed in forever
     and believed it was us who'd be together

I remember when I still loved you
     when you fought so hard to get me
     just to let me go so you could be free

I remember when I still loved you...
     when I waited and waited too
     long for you to fool me, and made a fool of you

I remember when I still loved you
    when I gave you all my trust
    and woke up with my golden heart turned to rust

I still remember when I loved you...
    because even when I don't love you
    I actually still do....

Thoughts

your words
  my thoughts
no actions
  until there are

our hope
  monitored reactions
following our hearts
  but breaking others

My time
  your alibi
caught in words
  but nothing solid

Contained joy
  overeager desires
laughing smiles
  forcibly hidden fires

Memories
  catching flame
reminding of other days
  but not enough to stray

The Easily Opened Door

I lay waiting
  but you aren't restored;
I wait pacing,
  why did I forget not to open that door?

You say such sweet things
   but they don't last long;
And for a moment my heart sings
  but it was already an ended song.

So how did I fall for it?
  Miss Strong Girl became blind;
You made me think and wait and sit,
   Did I think you were no longer the kind?

I opened up,
  I knew I shouldn't,
But my heart waited as a ready cup,
  but again that's when you couldn't;

I'm not surprised
  but shaken,
How easily I accept lies
  going for a road I've already taken;

No more looking back
  Oh no, not for me...
I'm already packed
  and I'll throw away the key;

Because I'm worth so much more
   than a few sweet words,
        and an easily opened door.

Learning not to be Lost

     I've been wondering what to write about for the last few weeks, lost in thought, lost in what I have to do, forgetting the things I get to do. I get so lost in the craziness that I don't even realize I'm lost. Isn't it interesting how that is the real fact of it usually... how people become so forgone sometimes. The get so comfortable in the feeling of being lost, or being busy, that eventually they become content with those feelings, content living in the in-between... but that isn't living.

    How easy it is to get lost in translate, or lost in the stupid things, or the serious things, but why not open our eyes a little wider, and work a little harder to get out of the stuck moment. It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but getting unstuck will always be better in the end than staying put, letting mediocrity rule your life.

Do what's best for you and live life to the fullest! always...

When Pumpkin falls for Ladybug!

This was based off of a writing assignment in one of my final college writing classes. My assignment was pretty fun so I wanted to share. We had to take an inanimate object from our yard that falls in love with a ladybug, but we have to show it without thoughts only actions. I hope you enjoy!

The pumpkin water pail sits silently in the grass, dirt smudging his uncannily happy face. He is unmoved, untouched by the difficulties of human emotion. He is unchanged and practically expressionless besides the painted smile given to him at his creation.

But as another day comes, the sun rising over the Pumpkin’s little garden, a flutter of red passes his eye. His eyes follow it to a soft pink petal not far from him, and suddenly the painted smile changes to a thin, gentle smirk. The wind blows slightly, and Pumpkin begins to roll along the grass towards the little ladybug. His handle skims the little bug’s flower and she hovers for a moment before landing on his thin black handle. His mouth forms a surprised “O” as he looks up at her; his cheeks turn a light pink over orange. Ladybug rubbed her hands together before fluttering away from the garden.

The next few days, the little ladybug continued to return to the Pumpkin’s garden. Pumpkin became aware of how dirty his outer shell was. So before Ladybug could enter his home, he would roll to the edge of the pond to clean himself. One day he moved towards her, happily rolling along. He took in one large breath before stopping smoothly in front of her favorite flower. He smiles largely at her and she turns her tiny eyes too him—she looks surprised.

Pumpkin begins to jump around excitedly, and Ladybug watches him with interest. After awhile though, Ladybug turns away and closes her wings tightly. Pumpkin’s expression falls as he rolls to the other side of the flower, but Ladybug turns away again.

The wind picks up and a branch flies at Ladybug’s flower, knocking her off into the wind. She looks frightened. Pumpkin jumps into the air and catches her, falling to the ground over the hole that allows him to breathe. He starts to roll off of the hole, but the wind continues to roar, pulling at Ladybug. So Pumpkin continues to hold himself upside down, his breath dying. The Ladybug cuddles up against his skin. She pushes at him as he gasps at his last breath. Pumpkin begins to roll from Ladybug’s help to a spot in the yard the wind does not touch.

Ladybug flutters outside and lands on Pumpkin’s painted nose, but he does not react to her. She jumps and crawls over him, but still he seems to be unmoved. Ladybug flutters to ground and cuddles against Pumpkin. Pumpkin’s expression changes slightly as he looks down at Ladybug and he smiles, closing his ey

Believing in you

Here I am believing in you,
  falling in love
but it still isn't new

What has changed
  since not long before
I closed my heart
  and found a new door?

Will you walk through
  with the love I desire
and open up to
  an unstoppable fire

Here I am falling into love,
  without knowing your name,
only a face and a vision
  of your feeling the same

How ridiculous to fall
  for something not yet real
But why else would I feel
  as if I must answer the call?

Beyond a Kiss (Repost)

This is personal, and some people reading this will probably wonder why I even would share this, but a few will understand.

I miss being kissed. But beyond the desire to be kissed comes a desire to have a beautiful love that accompanies it. When I was younger I was told my life was like a movie, especially a Romantic Comedy; but here I am waiting for the dramedy to end and the romance to be evoked once more. I used to have the silliest things happen in my life that made me laugh and cry and praise God, because my life was the perfect example of a fun and entertaining young RomCom. What happened in between High School and now that made that movie go to pause?

I used to believe in the passion and perfection of love at first sight, and love in spite of unforeseen circumstances. I used to believe that those crazy, unbelievable moments of love could truly happen, and that people could be so in love that it lasts a lifetime. Sadly I stopped believing that somewhere along the way, when heartbreak struck me. The magic of what I had once believed in had begun to disappear with the entrance of my sorrow and shame.

But then here I am once more, watching romantic movies, or seeing lovers on the streets proving the misery wrong. Love exists, even if just in a moment. But I want more than the moment, or to be loved until something more acceptable comes along.

I want to be kissed. But I want that kiss to be entrancing, and magnificent. I want that kiss to remind me of your love, and what it feels like to believe in magic. I was lucky enough that my very first kiss held this. He and I had been good friends for years, and as I left my old town to start fresh somewhere, my friend offered me the sweetest, tenderest kiss with a story that I still look at with fond memories. It is this kiss that shows me it can happen again. Thank you--you know who you are, though you may never read this--thank you for giving me that one moment of perfection to show me perfect moments can exist.

Perhaps it seems I think too much, and it is probably too true. I'm an over-thinker and an over-dreamer, but it is only because I have seen true love before, and felt it for a brief moment, and I know that someday I could have it again. Everyone deserves that bit of perfection... and it starts with a meeting, a few precious moments strung together, leading to that kiss that decides it.

What a kiss it would be.