Saturday, October 25, 2014

Think twice... save a life.

So today I am writing a heavy post, but one I hope people get ahold of. I know I don't have a ton of followers, but for those of you that do follow my writing, or are just here for today, please know how serious this is.

    Seriously people... this has got to stop...  and I hope we can start making a point to help the people that we know that may need help... the people that need love and guidance. This can't keep happening... 10 years ago, hearing about a school shooting reminded everyone about the Columbine shootings... now? There have been so many school shootings, and teenager shootings, or college shootings, that there is no longer a comparison... there is just a severe problem. 
    My heart breaks seeing this and knowing I will soon send my daughter out into this world... knowing that she will be going to school, and me no longer feeling at all safe letting her.
    Also in the past few years, bullying in school and via technology has grown rapidly. Our lives are all over the internet, and because of this more cruelty has formed as well as a need to always stay updated on everyone's juicy gossip. 
  When I was in high school, I did not have a cell phone. I was one of those students that passed notes sometimes when I HAD to talk to my friend about something juicy, and at all other times I paid attention to my teacher's lecture. Why doesn't this happen anymore? Why don't we focus on what is happening now? Though people constantly post that things you learn in high school you won't use in the real world, well though some of that is true, that knowledge you acquire when you are young is knowledge that feeds your mind positively.
   Teens, please know that things do get better. Your teen years are only a small part of a possibly amazing life. YOU decide what life you have, so make good choices... decide to do the hard things.. to forgive instead of get even, to be encouraging instead of degrading. It can seem hard at first, but when you change your attitude, the world is your oyster  But the only person who can transform you is you and God in you 
Think twice before harming yourself or anyone else.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


There are so many things I question nowadays. When I was young I used to have questions too, but it pertained to where I was going to be in 5 years or 10 years; who I would marry; what my kids would look like; where would I live...

Now that those 5 and 10 years have come around, or drawing nearer, my questions are more precise... why did this happen? Who would do that? Why do I still care?

When I was a kid, people told me those things I pictured were the important things, and they weren't wrong, but making those things your only focus is not important. No matter what crap you are put through, who takes you down, who you are in love with, or who is in love with you or not, the important thing is to find joy in all things.

I have been through the ringer this last year, but even though I was hurt, I try to remember the good things. I remind myself that with him, there had been happy times. It helped with my sanity, and it helped me remain myself. When you are given hard situations, it is too easy to be cruel, or bitter, or heartless, but it's how you decide to handle those situations that really defines you. I've had so many opportunities to hurt others because I was hurt... but instead I have taken myself as far from these situations so I don't affect them and they don't affect me as much.

I'm not sure why I felt like this needed to be said tonight, but I just got the feeling that other people are going through similar things to what I have gone through... and I just want you to know that there is light at the other end of the tunnel. I live in one of the most beautiful areas I could imagine, in a real house for the first time since I was a kid, and I have the greatest daughter anyone could ask for. There is not just a silver lining that reminds you to be happy... it is actively remembering that there are usually more happy things than sad things if you pay attention.

So while you are asking your questions, trying to discover the answer to all the hurt... ask yourself something: is the answer going to help me? If your answer is yes, then by all means, search out the truth... but if it won't help anything, if it could just stir up more pain, consider that not knowing is better. Sometimes ignorance isn't ignorance... it's just bliss.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Diamond in the Rough

Here I am,
   Awaiting the Truth;
But await I shouldn't,
   for the man I need is you.

You are nearest
    when I am the farthest;
You are the need,
     that I don't realize is so dear.

You are the love
    I could not believe;
In all you wisdom and perfection,
    it was you I was afraid would leave.

You who is far beyond me,
    he who remarks in beauty;
You who reminds me to see beyond,
    to see the sweetness in reality:

That you created me as something pretty,
    something you are proud of,
Despite all my mistakes or misfortune,
    I am the diamond not the rough.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Bottle

(Wrote this a few years ago but still love it) 

He holds it to his lips with care,
  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare.
It’s like a lover, a hopeful, a friend
  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare

Its spirits bring tranquility that he thinks so fair,
  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare
He leans back to slumber, content;
  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare

The little bottle stays tight in his little hand,
   Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare.
But when it falls, I hear a “Wha! Wha!” 

  Take it from him? I must dare

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I still do

I still remember when I loved you...
     and when you still loved me

I still remember when I loved you
   and I referred to us as "we"

I still remember when I loved you...
   and life seemed too easy

I still remember when I loved you
    and we were too cute and too cheesy

I still remember when I loved you...
    and you still understood what that meant

I still remember when I loved you
    and I remember when that love was spent

I remember when I still loved you...
     when you believed in forever
     and believed it was us who'd be together

I remember when I still loved you
     when you fought so hard to get me
     just to let me go so you could be free

I remember when I still loved you...
     when I waited and waited too
     long for you to fool me, and made a fool of you

I remember when I still loved you
    when I gave you all my trust
    and woke up with my golden heart turned to rust

I still remember when I loved you...
    because even when I don't love you
    I actually still do....

Thursday, August 21, 2014


your words
  my thoughts
no actions
  until there are

our hope
  monitored reactions
following our hearts
  but breaking others

My time
  your alibi
caught in words
  but nothing solid

Contained joy
  overeager desires
laughing smiles
  forcibly hidden fires

  catching flame
reminding of other days
  but not enough to stray

Sunday, August 17, 2014

The Easily Opened Door

I lay waiting
  but you aren't restored;
I wait pacing,
  why did I forget not to open that door?

You say such sweet things
   but they don't last long;
And for a moment my heart sings
  but it was already an ended song.

So how did I fall for it?
  Miss Strong Girl became blind;
You made me think and wait and sit,
   Did I think you were no longer the kind?

I opened up,
  I knew I shouldn't,
But my heart waited as a ready cup,
  but again that's when you couldn't;

I'm not surprised
  but shaken,
How easily I accept lies
  going for a road I've already taken;

No more looking back
  Oh no, not for me...
I'm already packed
  and I'll throw away the key;

Because I'm worth so much more
   than a few sweet words,
        and an easily opened door.