easy make doughnuts

http://www.littlebitfunky.com/2011/11/what-i-made-for-monday-naughty-donuts.html

homemade doughnuts using pillsbury grand rolls dough! :D Seriously so much fun and took maybe 10 minutes to make the whole single batch!

I just wanted to share how great this was of an easy recipe

Our peace

Maybe I am letting go
  but maybe it is all just show

Maybe I am running away
  but maybe it is just say

Maybe I am moving on
  but maybe I am just a pawn

Maybe I am waiting here
  but maybe I am the one to steer

Maybe I am not the only one
  maybe you are the one who felt alone
Round and round we've gone
  but too long

But maybe its time to cease
  and recognize our peace.

Not yet

Sometimes I wish you could hear my thoughts
   to hear me screaming out the truth...
   but those words aren't allowed to be spoken...
   not here.

Sometimes I wish I could tell you
   what I really feel when I see you...
   but that truth could lead to so much pain...
   not now.

Sometimes I wish I could kiss you
   so I knew if that passion is still there...
   but what am I supposed to do when you don't kiss me back...
   not this.

Sometimes I wish I heard what you thought
   because I see the look in your eyes
   and I know you feel it too by the red in your cheek...
   not yet.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen
   if we both could tell each other how we really felt
   because then... maybe we could finally know that
   it's time.

by Mycheille Norvell

So let it go

I wrote this in 2011, but just found it again today :) I just really liked it! still true today!! 

So let it Go

I know more than I show

                  I am just waiting;

I feel more than I let on

                  I am just patient;

I see more than you know

                  I am just watching;

You don’t know what I am

                  I’m a mystery;

You don’t know what I feel

                  I’m a journey all on my own;

You don’t know what I see

                  I’m not in the past…

                  So let it go.

Little Drummer Girl

Oh little drummer girl,
  drumming away your life,
too much sound,
   not enough sight

Oh little drummer girl,
   running way from reality,
unaware of what you see,
   but continuing the drum drum drumming...

Oh little drummer girl,
  it is not Him you are hearing,
your noise is too loud,
  and your cries are overwhelming

But my little drummer girl,
  it is not your drum drum drumming
  that takes away from His words you don't hear

It is the hum hum humming
  of the world buzzing in your ear

Keep out the humming,
  little drummer girl,
Keep out the humming...

Let the Lord be your drum
  as you keep on drum drum drumming

My published Short Story

Ok friends and strangers, my short story is now free on Smashwords, please go on and read! Check it out, send it on https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/414733

food!!!

So along with my posts about writing, poetry, or life, I also want to start writing about recipes I have been trying lately :)

This is the one for today: Pumpkin Cake Cheesecake. Here is the URL: http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2014/09/23/pumpkin-cake-cheesecake/

So this took a long time to make, especially between preparing separately the cake and then the cheesecake, and I ended up having the wrong cake pan so I had to split it into two cakes, but worth it. We were too excited to have the cake though, so we didn't wait quite 6 hours to dig in, but I would indeed suggest waiting :D

Here are some pictures:

I hope you get to try some! I'll save you a slice ;) 

Business Cards!

So I haven't talked about it since my first post in here, but I am actually an editor as well as a writer, and recently graduated from Full Sail University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree! Just this week I actually received my business cards!

Here they are! If you ever need an editor or writing consultant or anything, please feel free to send me mail or email me or anything.

In response to my last post...

http://www.upworthy.com/they-packed-more-pissed-off-celebrities-than-i-could-count-into-a-1-minute-video-for-everyone-to-see?c=ufb2

This video is worth the watch, and I agree 100% though I don't know what the plan would be.

Think twice... save a life.

So today I am writing a heavy post, but one I hope people get ahold of. I know I don't have a ton of followers, but for those of you that do follow my writing, or are just here for today, please know how serious this is.

http://news.yahoo.com/social-media-posts-reveal-washington-school-shooters-personal-struggles-220952462.html

    Seriously people... this has got to stop...  and I hope we can start making a point to help the people that we know that may need help... the people that need love and guidance. This can't keep happening... 10 years ago, hearing about a school shooting reminded everyone about the Columbine shootings... now? There have been so many school shootings, and teenager shootings, or college shootings, that there is no longer a comparison... there is just a severe problem. 

    My heart breaks seeing this and knowing I will soon send my daughter out into this world... knowing that she will be going to school, and me no longer feeling at all safe letting her.

    Also in the past few years, bullying in school and via technology has grown rapidly. Our lives are all over the internet, and because of this more cruelty has formed as well as a need to always stay updated on everyone's juicy gossip. 

  When I was in high school, I did not have a cell phone. I was one of those students that passed notes sometimes when I HAD to talk to my friend about something juicy, and at all other times I paid attention to my teacher's lecture. Why doesn't this happen anymore? Why don't we focus on what is happening now? Though people constantly post that things you learn in high school you won't use in the real world, well though some of that is true, that knowledge you acquire when you are young is knowledge that feeds your mind positively.
   Teens, please know that things do get better. Your teen years are only a small part of a possibly amazing life. YOU decide what life you have, so make good choices... decide to do the hard things.. to forgive instead of get even, to be encouraging instead of degrading. It can seem hard at first, but when you change your attitude, the world is your oyster  But the only person who can transform you is you and God in you 

Think twice before harming yourself or anyone else.

Unanswered

There are so many things I question nowadays. When I was young I used to have questions too, but it pertained to where I was going to be in 5 years or 10 years; who I would marry; what my kids would look like; where would I live...

Now that those 5 and 10 years have come around, or drawing nearer, my questions are more precise... why did this happen? Who would do that? Why do I still care?

When I was a kid, people told me those things I pictured were the important things, and they weren't wrong, but making those things your only focus is not important. No matter what crap you are put through, who takes you down, who you are in love with, or who is in love with you or not, the important thing is to find joy in all things.

I have been through the ringer this last year, but even though I was hurt, I try to remember the good things. I remind myself that with him, there had been happy times. It helped with my sanity, and it helped me remain myself. When you are given hard situations, it is too easy to be cruel, or bitter, or heartless, but it's how you decide to handle those situations that really defines you. I've had so many opportunities to hurt others because I was hurt... but instead I have taken myself as far from these situations so I don't affect them and they don't affect me as much.

I'm not sure why I felt like this needed to be said tonight, but I just got the feeling that other people are going through similar things to what I have gone through... and I just want you to know that there is light at the other end of the tunnel. I live in one of the most beautiful areas I could imagine, in a real house for the first time since I was a kid, and I have the greatest daughter anyone could ask for. There is not just a silver lining that reminds you to be happy... it is actively remembering that there are usually more happy things than sad things if you pay attention.

So while you are asking your questions, trying to discover the answer to all the hurt... ask yourself something: is the answer going to help me? If your answer is yes, then by all means, search out the truth... but if it won't help anything, if it could just stir up more pain, consider that not knowing is better. Sometimes ignorance isn't ignorance... it's just bliss.

Diamond in the Rough

Here I am,
   Awaiting the Truth;
But await I shouldn't,
   for the man I need is you.

You are nearest
    when I am the farthest;
You are the need,
     that I don't realize is so dear.

You are the love
    I could not believe;
In all you wisdom and perfection,
    it was you I was afraid would leave.

You who is far beyond me,
    he who remarks in beauty;
You who reminds me to see beyond,
    to see the sweetness in reality:

That you created me as something pretty,
    something you are proud of,
Despite all my mistakes or misfortune,
    I am the diamond not the rough.

The Bottle

(Wrote this a few years ago but still love it) 

He holds it to his lips with care,

  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare.

It’s like a lover, a hopeful, a friend

  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare

Its spirits bring tranquility that he thinks so fair,

  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare

He leans back to slumber, content;

  Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare

The little bottle stays tight in his little hand,

   Take it from him? I wouldn’t dare.

But when it falls, I hear a “Wha! Wha!” 

  Take it from him? I must dare

I still do

I still remember when I loved you...
     and when you still loved me

I still remember when I loved you
   and I referred to us as "we"

I still remember when I loved you...
   and life seemed too easy

I still remember when I loved you
    and we were too cute and too cheesy

I still remember when I loved you...
    and you still understood what that meant

I still remember when I loved you
    and I remember when that love was spent

I remember when I still loved you...
     when you believed in forever
     and believed it was us who'd be together

I remember when I still loved you
     when you fought so hard to get me
     just to let me go so you could be free

I remember when I still loved you...
     when I waited and waited too
     long for you to fool me, and made a fool of you

I remember when I still loved you
    when I gave you all my trust
    and woke up with my golden heart turned to rust

I still remember when I loved you...
    because even when I don't love you
    I actually still do....

Thoughts

your words
  my thoughts
no actions
  until there are

our hope
  monitored reactions
following our hearts
  but breaking others

My time
  your alibi
caught in words
  but nothing solid

Contained joy
  overeager desires
laughing smiles
  forcibly hidden fires

Memories
  catching flame
reminding of other days
  but not enough to stray

The Easily Opened Door

I lay waiting
  but you aren't restored;
I wait pacing,
  why did I forget not to open that door?

You say such sweet things
   but they don't last long;
And for a moment my heart sings
  but it was already an ended song.

So how did I fall for it?
  Miss Strong Girl became blind;
You made me think and wait and sit,
   Did I think you were no longer the kind?

I opened up,
  I knew I shouldn't,
But my heart waited as a ready cup,
  but again that's when you couldn't;

I'm not surprised
  but shaken,
How easily I accept lies
  going for a road I've already taken;

No more looking back
  Oh no, not for me...
I'm already packed
  and I'll throw away the key;

Because I'm worth so much more
   than a few sweet words,
        and an easily opened door.

Learning not to be Lost

     I've been wondering what to write about for the last few weeks, lost in thought, lost in what I have to do, forgetting the things I get to do. I get so lost in the craziness that I don't even realize I'm lost. Isn't it interesting how that is the real fact of it usually... how people become so forgone sometimes. The get so comfortable in the feeling of being lost, or being busy, that eventually they become content with those feelings, content living in the in-between... but that isn't living.

    How easy it is to get lost in translate, or lost in the stupid things, or the serious things, but why not open our eyes a little wider, and work a little harder to get out of the stuck moment. It might be the hardest thing you ever do, but getting unstuck will always be better in the end than staying put, letting mediocrity rule your life.

Do what's best for you and live life to the fullest! always...

When Pumpkin falls for Ladybug!

This was based off of a writing assignment in one of my final college writing classes. My assignment was pretty fun so I wanted to share. We had to take an inanimate object from our yard that falls in love with a ladybug, but we have to show it without thoughts only actions. I hope you enjoy!

The pumpkin water pail sits silently in the grass, dirt smudging his uncannily happy face. He is unmoved, untouched by the difficulties of human emotion. He is unchanged and practically expressionless besides the painted smile given to him at his creation.

But as another day comes, the sun rising over the Pumpkin’s little garden, a flutter of red passes his eye. His eyes follow it to a soft pink petal not far from him, and suddenly the painted smile changes to a thin, gentle smirk. The wind blows slightly, and Pumpkin begins to roll along the grass towards the little ladybug. His handle skims the little bug’s flower and she hovers for a moment before landing on his thin black handle. His mouth forms a surprised “O” as he looks up at her; his cheeks turn a light pink over orange. Ladybug rubbed her hands together before fluttering away from the garden.

The next few days, the little ladybug continued to return to the Pumpkin’s garden. Pumpkin became aware of how dirty his outer shell was. So before Ladybug could enter his home, he would roll to the edge of the pond to clean himself. One day he moved towards her, happily rolling along. He took in one large breath before stopping smoothly in front of her favorite flower. He smiles largely at her and she turns her tiny eyes too him—she looks surprised.

Pumpkin begins to jump around excitedly, and Ladybug watches him with interest. After awhile though, Ladybug turns away and closes her wings tightly. Pumpkin’s expression falls as he rolls to the other side of the flower, but Ladybug turns away again.

The wind picks up and a branch flies at Ladybug’s flower, knocking her off into the wind. She looks frightened. Pumpkin jumps into the air and catches her, falling to the ground over the hole that allows him to breathe. He starts to roll off of the hole, but the wind continues to roar, pulling at Ladybug. So Pumpkin continues to hold himself upside down, his breath dying. The Ladybug cuddles up against his skin. She pushes at him as he gasps at his last breath. Pumpkin begins to roll from Ladybug’s help to a spot in the yard the wind does not touch.

Ladybug flutters outside and lands on Pumpkin’s painted nose, but he does not react to her. She jumps and crawls over him, but still he seems to be unmoved. Ladybug flutters to ground and cuddles against Pumpkin. Pumpkin’s expression changes slightly as he looks down at Ladybug and he smiles, closing his ey

Believing in you

Here I am believing in you,
  falling in love
but it still isn't new

What has changed
  since not long before
I closed my heart
  and found a new door?

Will you walk through
  with the love I desire
and open up to
  an unstoppable fire

Here I am falling into love,
  without knowing your name,
only a face and a vision
  of your feeling the same

How ridiculous to fall
  for something not yet real
But why else would I feel
  as if I must answer the call?

Beyond a Kiss (Repost)

This is personal, and some people reading this will probably wonder why I even would share this, but a few will understand.

I miss being kissed. But beyond the desire to be kissed comes a desire to have a beautiful love that accompanies it. When I was younger I was told my life was like a movie, especially a Romantic Comedy; but here I am waiting for the dramedy to end and the romance to be evoked once more. I used to have the silliest things happen in my life that made me laugh and cry and praise God, because my life was the perfect example of a fun and entertaining young RomCom. What happened in between High School and now that made that movie go to pause?

I used to believe in the passion and perfection of love at first sight, and love in spite of unforeseen circumstances. I used to believe that those crazy, unbelievable moments of love could truly happen, and that people could be so in love that it lasts a lifetime. Sadly I stopped believing that somewhere along the way, when heartbreak struck me. The magic of what I had once believed in had begun to disappear with the entrance of my sorrow and shame.

But then here I am once more, watching romantic movies, or seeing lovers on the streets proving the misery wrong. Love exists, even if just in a moment. But I want more than the moment, or to be loved until something more acceptable comes along.

I want to be kissed. But I want that kiss to be entrancing, and magnificent. I want that kiss to remind me of your love, and what it feels like to believe in magic. I was lucky enough that my very first kiss held this. He and I had been good friends for years, and as I left my old town to start fresh somewhere, my friend offered me the sweetest, tenderest kiss with a story that I still look at with fond memories. It is this kiss that shows me it can happen again. Thank you--you know who you are, though you may never read this--thank you for giving me that one moment of perfection to show me perfect moments can exist.

Perhaps it seems I think too much, and it is probably too true. I'm an over-thinker and an over-dreamer, but it is only because I have seen true love before, and felt it for a brief moment, and I know that someday I could have it again. Everyone deserves that bit of perfection... and it starts with a meeting, a few precious moments strung together, leading to that kiss that decides it.

What a kiss it would be.

Romance isn't dead, just hard to find

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/ways-notebook-turned-10-created-unrealistic-ideas-romance/story?id=24286993
Ok I can't say I like this article but I am posting for a reason... This article basically suggests that "the notebook" created an unrealistic ideal for love in general. In some ways for our modern day world perhaps these things are true, but A) I've still heard some pretty epic love stories or things men have done for their ladies. B) this movie was set at least 50 years ago!!! Of course you could romantically lay in the street in the middle of the night (in my old town you probably still could) there will be things we can't still do today but how does that make it unrealistic?
Unlikely? Oh yeah, but I've known men that go the distance romantically and I believe that if you are genuinely wanting that kind of love it could happen though it may not constantly be that way. Enjoy your love. Enjoy the big moments and the small ones!

Please don't lie

Here is a statement that few will read, fewer will listen to, but a few will take heed of...

Please people, even the few that decide to read this, do not lie to those you love. I know that no one is blameless when it comes to white lies, or even an occasional whopper, leaving us asking ourselves later, "Why did I even lie about that?" or "Why did I change that detail?" For some reason, there is an odd need to lie sometimes, but you know what? That is not being human... being human does not mean giving into our worst desires--being human is being aware of those desires and understanding the difference.
Today more than ever our generation uses the excuse, "I'm only human..." as an excuse for bad behavior, but what if instead when we do something good we say, "What can I say? I'm only human!" Let being human be a good thing instead of something that defines a cruel, insensitive race that cares only for themselves.
I have personally been injured by terrible lies, and lies piled on lies. Causing me to ask the question, "Why is he even lying anymore when I told him I knew he was lying?" why is it that there is a need to cover your butt, when you've already been caught in deceit? Be honest people... own up to what has happened. People will either love you through it anyway, or let you go. Sometimes when people let go it is because we pushed them beyond their breaking point... that doesn't mean they stopped believing in you, it just means they got tired of trying for now. You haven't lost that trust and belief forever, but just until you transform your heart.
I was the person that was absolutely willing to love through all the lies, in hopes that he would finally show his honesty, but instead I was bit in the but because of my kindness... please don't do this to people!
There are good people under those lies, and that is what I believe in for people, no matter what they have done... but goodness people, you need to be willing to change from that lying past. It's ok to admit what has happened, but unless you start to trust those you love enough to tell them the truth, how can you expect to grow from it?
Let's grow together instead of further apart!!

Right here

Where are you sir?
   the one that I am meant for....

Where are you my one?
   shouldn't we know each other yet?
   shouldn't we be starting our story?

Where are you my love?
   Can you really wait any longer?

Where are you sir...?
   you're right here, aren't you?
   right under my nose.

there you are

Romance

A raindrop on our soul
  a rainbow on my entire life

Who are you on this road
   to impact me from so far?

A hero to my damsel
  a kingdom to my king

Who are you on this journey
   that you will still find me when I need you?

You are the warrior in peacetime
   and the sunshine through the rain

You are the King of my heart
   and yet a mystery to my eyes

You are....

Enjoy the rain!

What does this day look like to you? Is it a beautiful day, filled with sunshine and shining smiles? An ugly day with angry clouds, and storms inside and outside of you?

I ask to make you think what kind of world you are letting surround you. When I lived in Redding, California (a place one of my friends called Hell because it was always so hot), I was always a little dismayed when the clouds came out and the mucky oven heat would consume us. I mentioned it to one of my best friends saying how it wasn't a pretty day and she stared at me in shock, "Oh my gosh, today is just so perfect! It is beautiful. Do you think it would rain? That's the only way it could get better!" She was so silly, at least that is what I thought at the time, but seriously? Zanny made a day that so many see as ugly, beautiful!

We need to take a page out of Zanny's book and see the beauty within the crazy world that sometimes surrounds us. There are so many amazing things that grow around us, but it starts with a little rain! :)

Don't take yourself for granted!!

Hey there everyone,

I know I don't have many people that follow me, but to you 8 people, I'm glad you enjoy coming back and looking at my posts. I'm just a normal girl with an abnormal love for life and romance. When I was in high school, I always had people thanking me for my smile, or staring at me awkwardly trying figure out why I was nice to the bully when they tried to mess with my mind. I just don't think there is any point in focusing on those people that hurt us. Something that God really put on my heart today was why have I been focusing on the hurt that someone has caused me? The hurt is never going to disappear if I just keep re-opening it up. The only way to heal is to forgive the past, allow the memory to not be something you hate but something accept, and to move forward.

I recently moved to the ocean, and last week I realized that what is worth living at the beach if you don't actually go out and enjoy it? Sure I have a view from my house that is takes my breath away daily, but I have no one to really share it with, especially since my daughter is a little short to even see out the window to enjoy it with me. I realized that to live at the beach, you must actually go to the beach at least a few times every week to make it worth it. Otherwise I might as well live in the city.

My point is, don't take the beauty around you for granted. Live in the now and look forward to the future! That is what makes life exciting! What's life worth if you just sit in your apartment or house staring out at all the beauty if you don't go out to enjoy it a little? Don't take your life for granted, because there is someone out there that wants to remind you how important life is and amazing it could be :D

I Believe in You

I believe in love. I believe in romance, and the magic of a first kiss! I believe in windswept moments that catch you off guard and keep you laughing when your hat flies off your head to the feet of the man you've been waiting your life for. I believe in passion! And I believe in the one person that can change your life forever with a single handshake, a hug, a kiss, and a personality that reminds a woman that there are real men and real gentlemen left in the world.

Honey, I believe in you.

Whoever you are, wherever you may be right now, I believe in you. Where we meet, when it happens, it is up to God and Fate to decide, but I will wait for you. You are worth the wait, and I certainly hope you think the same about me. Because my heart has waited desperately for you, for us to laugh together about stupid things that happen on our adventures through life, and to work together during the times that are harder and cause us to ponder life. I want to ponder life with you by my side though. So hurry along, my White Knight, because I miss you already ;)

I can't wait to meet you, because honey, I have always believed you.

New Challenge!

Ok, so when I was back in high school I took a Creative Writing class. And though I've always had a love of writing, that class is what freed up my imagination and fully explored my writing abilities. So how could one class do this? Well apart from an incredibly awesome teacher, he had us do something called free writing-- writing for 10 minutes straight without stopping for any reason... no thinking, no fixing, just writing.

Last year I wrote a 152 page book in two days, and it was fully because of a mix of inspiration and a freedom in my imagination and my ability. Now? I feel as though I can hardly write a page without having writers block. So I've decided that for the next month I will free write at least twice a week on here. People from my Facebook have already provided me with some prompts and I am eager to begin. So here it goes:

Mix and Matched Socks: laziness or creativity? 

I'm going to start a little easier today, so thank you Breanna Sibbet for giving me this idea.

When I get up in the morning, I have a routine--bathroom, sink, eyes, shower, socks. By the time I get to my socks, I'm more awake, yet I am still asked constantly, why aren't your socks matching? Did you just wake up? Did you get dressed in the dark?

Well I have a theory, my friends! There are three kinds of sock-wearing people: 1) matchers, 2) people who don't know where there other sock is and are desperate, or 3) creative people that want to explore and add color to their day! So I am number 3! I want to have fun with my socks. How unfair is it anyways that socks are always so plain usually and boring. I know sometimes I mix the crazy pairs with solid pairs, but that was just the mood I was in this morning, sue me. But I must not be the only one, because some stores now sell socks in mis-matched pairs! See? I'm not crazy, I'm just in an elite class of sock wearers. So please, just enjoy my creativeness instead of judging it.

I do understand that some people may be considered "lazy" who mismatch socks, and honestly, I know people like that, who grab any socks they can out of their sock drawer and if they don't match, they decide to live with the socks anyways instead of looking for the match. So why do we have to match? Can't I just enjoy the silliness, or the absurdity of my different colors and different symbols. Honestly, in my life I just don't always want to over think what my socks look like, because there is so many more interesting things in my day then what my socks look like. So yes, some days it is laziness, or maybe just a lack of caring, but when I look down and realize they don't match, sometimes I am embarrassed, and other times I am impressed by the combination. I have created a new form of art! Just as most artists are sometimes criticized for their ingenuity and odd choice of medium, my medium is just still being discovered by others! How incredible to know, I was one of the first. Oh yeah, take that!

Alrighty, so I still have two minutes, but I've already began to seriously wander when it comes to the socks thing... so what next? What next? Well, Colors. I just bought my daughter new shoes. They are crazy neon pink and green. Her dad just saw them today and made fun of me for getting them, but its just like the socks: it is an expression. Abby likes pink, SO I got her pink shoes : ) Later she can look at those shoes and go "Awesome! My shoes are neon pink!"

Ok there is my ten minutes!

My Daughter's Eyes

My Daughter's eyes

   sparkle with an inner light

   that nothing and no one can snuff out

My Daughter's smile

   laughs and dimples with joy

   that comes from my God who created her

My Daughter's laughter

  sings through my heart

  with a giggle of perfection

My Daughter's hands

  perfectly hold hand

  with a gentle touch of love

My Daughter's feet 

  walked swiftly into my heart

  and has forever touched my life

My Daughter's love 

   has left me captured

   and forever in love

     with a perfect angel from heaven

To my future husband (thanks Brett for this idea)

Alrighty, soo I don't mean to be a copier, but I recently read an amazing blog by this guy named Brett that wrote a letter to his future wife (http://brettshoemaker.me/2014/02/04/to-my-future-wife/). His letter touched my heart so much, and really encouraged me for the future, that I decided maybe I need to write a letter for my future husband. SO here it goes!

To my future love,

You and I have never met, yet somehow my heart knows you. I have felt as though you and I have already had long conversations over coffee, and we have already laughed together... yet here I am, sitting in my living room, staring out to the ocean just me and my daughter.  I wish you could be here with us, enjoying the silliness of life.

What should I say to you? What would I say if you were here right now?
       Where have you been? haha... Have you thought of me as much as I've thought of you? Am I what you expected? Am I more, am I less? Do you like walking on the beach? Do you like to travel? And the most important question for me... Do you love God?

It is so much more important to me that you have an actual relationship with Jesus, and love him, not just going to church or pretending to like God for my benefit. I love God, and he is number 1 in my life... I let him change from that place for my last husband, and I lost myself.... I want to be with someone that loves God first, not me. I will not be offended, in fact I think it is amazing!

I keep almost writing so many things, and that is why I think this will have to be sort of a series as I think of more things I pray for you, or remember I want you to know...

Something right off that I want you to know... you are helping me through this moment in my life where I am confused... I promise that things aren't always about me, and that right now it might not sound like it. You are helping me to hope for the prince charming I always deserved, because sweetie, I will always love you with all my heart and do anything and everything I can for you. That is just how I am.

I will always love you, but for now I offer a sturdy handshake over cyberspace to say "Hello"

~Always and Forever
  Mycheille

The Girl in the Burning Picture

I'm sure other people have notice this in their own lives, but I have started to see that when I look back through my past (recent or otherwise) and I started to notice how different I looked. I don't just mean age changes, by the way, but there was something different to my smile and to my eyes. To most people they would probably just attribute it to my weight gain, which they wouldn't be wrong... but there was also another major change: I was so lost, even though I thought I knew exactly where I was going. I see that girl in the pictures, now that I know what she is to expect in the near future, and I just think, "Didn't you see the signs? Didn't you see that you weren't being yourself? Why didn't you wake up sooner, sweetie?"

I feel so sorry for the girl in those pictures, because right now she thinks life is fine except for an occasional crying war when her husband stays at his family's house later on weekends, or stays later and later at work. I wonder when she finally got tired of telling herself that she was just overthinking... that bad things wouldn't happen to her and him.

People now, they tell me that girl was a fool to have trusted him, but she wasn't a fool... she was in love and believed in him. Looking back, I still don't regret believing in him, or even believing in that still-innocent-eyed girl. What I do regret now is sadly having my eyes pried open sooner than I was ready to see. Maybe that sounds silly, but being in the dark is sometimes so much nicer than having to look around and suddenly see that the world you created was made out of cardboard instead of wood... sand instead of stone. My sandcastle was crashed to the ground by one harsh wave... what a shame? I simply regret not seeing sooner that I should've built that world with stronger foundations.

But the girl in that picture has convinced herself that she is content with the half-life she is living. The life without God, except for a nightly routined prayer; the life without trust, though she reminded herself she trusted him... but he didn't trust her somehow. The girl in the picture was not a fool, but she did act foolish sometimes, because she kept her eyes closed so that picture didn't get burned. It didn't stop the picture from burning, nor stop her castle from collapsing.

Have you ever been the girl or the boy in the picture? I see you... I know your pain. But guess what? I also know what comes after that pain--beauty beyond belief. With eyes open, you now know what you want...  isn't that great? I get to go out into the world with clear vision as I look at those around me, finally seeing who is more likely to hurt me. This doesn't mean that we hide from all the scary things, it just means that now we are better equipped to handle it! How exciting!

Bring back my Harmony!

So those of you who have know me since college (Simpson) and before know that I have always had a passion for singing. Well in the last few years since leaving Simpson, I stopped singing as much and wasn't in church as much as I had once been either. Starting in January though I started going back to church and started singing a lot more... It's funny how much you realize is missing when you stop doing the things you love. I love God, and I've always loved being around other Christians who are enjoying God's presence together. And without singing besides the random phrase I sing to Abby every so often, I was missing something. I want to really start singing again because I love it. I used to wish my life was a musical in a sense because there are so many moments I feel like singing out my problems! So maybe it is time for me to really start letting who I am fully shine again. No time like now, right?  So if you see or hear a random person on the street singing, it may very well be me  haha

Heartbreak stinks but healing makes it a masterpiece

I'm going to rant a little I think...

So I strive constantly to be positive in every aspect of my life, and even in the moments I feel like I am being way too negative, I still have people telling me "Gosh, you are so positive!" I'm glad to be positive... glad to always be optimistic.... glad to be looking to the future even when my life seems to be falling apart right now. I know everyone feels like things are falling apart at some point in their life, but mine really was trying.

It's so funny, even as I'm writing this, trying to let out the frustrated emotions, I'm instantly fixing my thoughts on the positive that will surely come my way soon enough. My heart is so hopeful for the next step in my life, to move to the ocean and explore a new small town.

I'm not going to share specifics right now about what has been happening because I don't want anyone who knows us to stumble upon this and be surprised... but I have been hurt brutally, not physically (don't worry), but my pride, my heart, and my old ideals have been really hurt.The basic story... I lost a man I loved. And whether he sees this someday, well I hope he knows that though he hurt me, I will always love him.

That's the thing about love... someone can hurt you in the worst possible ways, even worse than I was hurt, but you still love them. Even years later, a little piece of your heart waits with them. Honestly, men and women know equally, that there are some people that deserve our hearts, some who don't, and some who wanted so desperately to deserve our hearts but realized it just wasn't right. Is it a shame? Absolutely... but it doesn't mean we are failures, it doesn't even necessarily mean that they are failures, it just means something was wrong. I really wish nothing had been wrong, that this could have lasted, but at the same time, it just means that something better is coming for both of us, and I can't really be too mad about that.

And to you, my former someone, though I am so mad at what you have done, I forgive you. I want you to know that I believe in the beauty inside your heart and soul, I just really hope you find yourself the way everyone who loves you has seen you. Cause that guy is pretty spectacular. And though you and I will never be together again unless God randomly sees fit to bring us back around when we both grow, I will always be a friend to you in the moments you feel like there are none.

Anyone who has been in love, whether it has been first love, puppy love, a crush, a bad relationship, or even a marriage that has lasted for decades, we all know there is a heartbreak. Sometimes heartbreak ends those relationships, sometimes it makes the couple stronger, and sometimes it allows us to grow as people to fix the mistakes we made before.

I can't wait to grow more from this and allow myself to fully heal. I am so thankful for all the support I have from friends and family, and the beauty that will come from this!

Sorry for all this personal ranting! I do hope somehow it helps someone out there going through something similar.

Be a Quilt

All you can do when life throws everything at you to tear you apart, is put a smile on, look at the good things, and move past the tear so that it can slowly be sewn back together. Because the harder you pull on a tiny tear, even when you think it will help later, is it rips more. So you may end up a little scarred later... it is a lot easier to fix a few small tears than massive rips.  choose what kind of life you want... a beautiful quilt, or a withered and worn flag... your choice

That Beautiful Something Somewhere

I remember when I was 6 years old, I used to pretend I was a monkey running from a crocodile... by the time I was 8 and 9, I would go through any wooded area pretending I was a fairy princess that was trying to find my way through the forest... by 12 I was climbing trees like they were mountains... and by 14 I wanted to find true love. we believe so much as children, so many different things. It wasn't of course that I was a monkey running from a crocodile, but the point was I knew that I could get away from any danger if I tried. And when I pretended to be a fairy princess, its not that I believed I was, but I knew I was precious and wanted to find something more out there in the world, and when I tried to climb my tree like a mountain, I knew at the time it was the tallest thing that could get me high into the sky, to reach out and touch the great unknown. And true love is just as exciting to attain. It is all of those things piled into one desire: to find something worth having.

never stop searching for that beautiful something, or someone! Find yourself first though, or you may very well pass right by that someone because you are too busy staring at your feet, watching where you are going, instead of knowing and exploring with your eyes wide open!

Life likes to laugh

Some people may think this title seems a little bit funny, and that is how I want it. I'm in a class right now and I was asked what makes my writing stand out... and I would have to say my writing tends to show the reality of a person and their story. In my eyes though, I believe reality involves humor. My own life is a pretty decent testament to life exuding hilarity. When I was a child I was considered quite the klutz. My dad, like many other fathers of young klutzy kids, often said that I could trip over a dust bunny, and I often did. But as I got older, these klutzy moments ended up transforming into something pretty interesting, and quite humorous to any who witnessed these moments. My family and I still refer to these moments as 'Movie Moments' because so many of these ridiculous things just couldn't happen in real life.

One of these moments that has always stood out, even over ten years later, is when I was raking leaves one day when I was 11-years-old so I could earn money to go to the newest Harry Potter movie. It was late October, and getting pretty cold though we had yet to have our first snow yet in Lewistown, MT. I felt tiredness overwhelm me as I lazily pulled the big blue garbage can with wheels along the grassy lawn, and I decided not to close it in-between putting leaves in any longer. I would rake and pull, rake and pull, when all of a sudden the garbage can surprised me! It began to keep moving, though my hand still held its handle tight, and I felt it move down, down, down to the ground. Before I knew it, I was inside the garbage can looking out to the world wondering how I had managed. I was thankful that no one had seen my little trash-can moment, and said to myself, "Well at least this can't get any worse." And as those words left my lips, I remembered that my mom had thrown out two metal chairs that day, and suddenly those chairs fell on my head.

I went inside with leaves strewn throughout my hair, and a bump rising on my head, and a shocked expression on my face as I go to mom and say, "Mom..."

She looked at me with a curious look before crossing her arms and said, "What happened this time?"

When your mom can ask that question with a straight face, you know you are a klutz! This is just one of my many ridiculous moments, and some of them really are quite unbelievable. I can't even tell you how many times people have told me to write my autobiography or a movie about my life. But why does any of this matter anyways? Well, I just wanted to remind you all that in those moments where we want to cry because we are embarrassed, remember that later you can look back and smile.