Bring back my Harmony!

So those of you who have know me since college (Simpson) and before know that I have always had a passion for singing. Well in the last few years since leaving Simpson, I stopped singing as much and wasn't in church as much as I had once been either. Starting in January though I started going back to church and started singing a lot more... It's funny how much you realize is missing when you stop doing the things you love. I love God, and I've always loved being around other Christians who are enjoying God's presence together. And without singing besides the random phrase I sing to Abby every so often, I was missing something. I want to really start singing again because I love it. I used to wish my life was a musical in a sense because there are so many moments I feel like singing out my problems! So maybe it is time for me to really start letting who I am fully shine again. No time like now, right?  So if you see or hear a random person on the street singing, it may very well be me  haha

Heartbreak stinks but healing makes it a masterpiece

I'm going to rant a little I think...

So I strive constantly to be positive in every aspect of my life, and even in the moments I feel like I am being way too negative, I still have people telling me "Gosh, you are so positive!" I'm glad to be positive... glad to always be optimistic.... glad to be looking to the future even when my life seems to be falling apart right now. I know everyone feels like things are falling apart at some point in their life, but mine really was trying.

It's so funny, even as I'm writing this, trying to let out the frustrated emotions, I'm instantly fixing my thoughts on the positive that will surely come my way soon enough. My heart is so hopeful for the next step in my life, to move to the ocean and explore a new small town.

I'm not going to share specifics right now about what has been happening because I don't want anyone who knows us to stumble upon this and be surprised... but I have been hurt brutally, not physically (don't worry), but my pride, my heart, and my old ideals have been really hurt.The basic story... I lost a man I loved. And whether he sees this someday, well I hope he knows that though he hurt me, I will always love him.

That's the thing about love... someone can hurt you in the worst possible ways, even worse than I was hurt, but you still love them. Even years later, a little piece of your heart waits with them. Honestly, men and women know equally, that there are some people that deserve our hearts, some who don't, and some who wanted so desperately to deserve our hearts but realized it just wasn't right. Is it a shame? Absolutely... but it doesn't mean we are failures, it doesn't even necessarily mean that they are failures, it just means something was wrong. I really wish nothing had been wrong, that this could have lasted, but at the same time, it just means that something better is coming for both of us, and I can't really be too mad about that.

And to you, my former someone, though I am so mad at what you have done, I forgive you. I want you to know that I believe in the beauty inside your heart and soul, I just really hope you find yourself the way everyone who loves you has seen you. Cause that guy is pretty spectacular. And though you and I will never be together again unless God randomly sees fit to bring us back around when we both grow, I will always be a friend to you in the moments you feel like there are none.

Anyone who has been in love, whether it has been first love, puppy love, a crush, a bad relationship, or even a marriage that has lasted for decades, we all know there is a heartbreak. Sometimes heartbreak ends those relationships, sometimes it makes the couple stronger, and sometimes it allows us to grow as people to fix the mistakes we made before.

I can't wait to grow more from this and allow myself to fully heal. I am so thankful for all the support I have from friends and family, and the beauty that will come from this!

Sorry for all this personal ranting! I do hope somehow it helps someone out there going through something similar.

Be a Quilt

All you can do when life throws everything at you to tear you apart, is put a smile on, look at the good things, and move past the tear so that it can slowly be sewn back together. Because the harder you pull on a tiny tear, even when you think it will help later, is it rips more. So you may end up a little scarred later... it is a lot easier to fix a few small tears than massive rips.  choose what kind of life you want... a beautiful quilt, or a withered and worn flag... your choice

That Beautiful Something Somewhere

I remember when I was 6 years old, I used to pretend I was a monkey running from a crocodile... by the time I was 8 and 9, I would go through any wooded area pretending I was a fairy princess that was trying to find my way through the forest... by 12 I was climbing trees like they were mountains... and by 14 I wanted to find true love. we believe so much as children, so many different things. It wasn't of course that I was a monkey running from a crocodile, but the point was I knew that I could get away from any danger if I tried. And when I pretended to be a fairy princess, its not that I believed I was, but I knew I was precious and wanted to find something more out there in the world, and when I tried to climb my tree like a mountain, I knew at the time it was the tallest thing that could get me high into the sky, to reach out and touch the great unknown. And true love is just as exciting to attain. It is all of those things piled into one desire: to find something worth having.

never stop searching for that beautiful something, or someone! Find yourself first though, or you may very well pass right by that someone because you are too busy staring at your feet, watching where you are going, instead of knowing and exploring with your eyes wide open!