Unanswered

There are so many things I question nowadays. When I was young I used to have questions too, but it pertained to where I was going to be in 5 years or 10 years; who I would marry; what my kids would look like; where would I live...

Now that those 5 and 10 years have come around, or drawing nearer, my questions are more precise... why did this happen? Who would do that? Why do I still care?

When I was a kid, people told me those things I pictured were the important things, and they weren't wrong, but making those things your only focus is not important. No matter what crap you are put through, who takes you down, who you are in love with, or who is in love with you or not, the important thing is to find joy in all things.

I have been through the ringer this last year, but even though I was hurt, I try to remember the good things. I remind myself that with him, there had been happy times. It helped with my sanity, and it helped me remain myself. When you are given hard situations, it is too easy to be cruel, or bitter, or heartless, but it's how you decide to handle those situations that really defines you. I've had so many opportunities to hurt others because I was hurt... but instead I have taken myself as far from these situations so I don't affect them and they don't affect me as much.

I'm not sure why I felt like this needed to be said tonight, but I just got the feeling that other people are going through similar things to what I have gone through... and I just want you to know that there is light at the other end of the tunnel. I live in one of the most beautiful areas I could imagine, in a real house for the first time since I was a kid, and I have the greatest daughter anyone could ask for. There is not just a silver lining that reminds you to be happy... it is actively remembering that there are usually more happy things than sad things if you pay attention.

So while you are asking your questions, trying to discover the answer to all the hurt... ask yourself something: is the answer going to help me? If your answer is yes, then by all means, search out the truth... but if it won't help anything, if it could just stir up more pain, consider that not knowing is better. Sometimes ignorance isn't ignorance... it's just bliss.