I'm going to rant a little I think...
So I strive constantly to be positive in every aspect of my life, and even in the moments I feel like I am being way too negative, I still have people telling me "Gosh, you are so positive!" I'm glad to be positive... glad to always be optimistic.... glad to be looking to the future even when my life seems to be falling apart right now. I know everyone feels like things are falling apart at some point in their life, but mine really was trying.
It's so funny, even as I'm writing this, trying to let out the frustrated emotions, I'm instantly fixing my thoughts on the positive that will surely come my way soon enough. My heart is so hopeful for the next step in my life, to move to the ocean and explore a new small town.
I'm not going to share specifics right now about what has been happening because I don't want anyone who knows us to stumble upon this and be surprised... but I have been hurt brutally, not physically (don't worry), but my pride, my heart, and my old ideals have been really hurt.The basic story... I lost a man I loved. And whether he sees this someday, well I hope he knows that though he hurt me, I will always love him.
That's the thing about love... someone can hurt you in the worst possible ways, even worse than I was hurt, but you still love them. Even years later, a little piece of your heart waits with them. Honestly, men and women know equally, that there are some people that deserve our hearts, some who don't, and some who wanted so desperately to deserve our hearts but realized it just wasn't right. Is it a shame? Absolutely... but it doesn't mean we are failures, it doesn't even necessarily mean that they are failures, it just means something was wrong. I really wish nothing had been wrong, that this could have lasted, but at the same time, it just means that something better is coming for both of us, and I can't really be too mad about that.
And to you, my former someone, though I am so mad at what you have done, I forgive you. I want you to know that I believe in the beauty inside your heart and soul, I just really hope you find yourself the way everyone who loves you has seen you. Cause that guy is pretty spectacular. And though you and I will never be together again unless God randomly sees fit to bring us back around when we both grow, I will always be a friend to you in the moments you feel like there are none.
Anyone who has been in love, whether it has been first love, puppy love, a crush, a bad relationship, or even a marriage that has lasted for decades, we all know there is a heartbreak. Sometimes heartbreak ends those relationships, sometimes it makes the couple stronger, and sometimes it allows us to grow as people to fix the mistakes we made before.
I can't wait to grow more from this and allow myself to fully heal. I am so thankful for all the support I have from friends and family, and the beauty that will come from this!
Sorry for all this personal ranting! I do hope somehow it helps someone out there going through something similar.
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